


From blue tears to black

by Kilos_LaVoid



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Black paladin! Lance, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, Other, Pain, hance if you squint, how do tag, its 4:30 in the morning, ive just been living off Tumblr and angst, kinda has shipping in it, klance if you sqint, lance is my child and I love him, lets see if pidge gets 20 bucks, omg, pidge has an ongoing bet with shiro and allura to see which two guys hook up, pidge is also my child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9823331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kilos_LaVoid/pseuds/Kilos_LaVoid
Summary: Lance has been getting sick of people not seeing him as a leader but at this point what can he do about it, he's seen as the joker and that's the thing the voltron needs the least right now since shiro has gone missing





	1. gone or missing?

**Author's Note:**

> Also known as an excuse for me to hurt my child (( post ep: blackout)) also hay first fic!  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Edit: I don't remember writing this but I fixed the formatting  
> -mod Riles

Gone  
Gone  
Gonegonegonegonegonegonegonegone.  
Shiro was  
G o n e.  
That was the mantra repeating itself inside Lance’s head.  
Shiro was gone  
Missing.  
Another voice spoke, though it was not audible.  
‘Shiro is missing’ that was what was being said by the logical part of his brain. ‘Shiro is missing’ Lance was sitting in his room aboard the ship, he had been looking out the window into space for a long time now, maybe over an hour. Over this time two voices fought inside his brain.  
They had been fighting since the team found the black lion empty after the battle with Zarkon, that left him, and presumably the black lion pilot, dead.  
Dead  
Deaddeadesdeadeadeadeadeadeadead.  
Shiro was dead.  
Shiro is missing. The other voice said they would find him, he couldn't have gotten fa((after all he is six)) they would find him.  
Lance tried to ignore the fact that they already tried to find him, that the moment he was gone and hunk had the yellow lion cart the black lion back to the hangers they immediately went to try and find their beloved fearless leader and continued to look until Pidge fell asleep at their controls, almost being hit by an oncoming asteroid. That's when Coran ordered everyone to come back and get some rest. Even Allura was forced to follow the instructions shortly after a quick argument that involved her mumbling something along the lines of “I’ll sleep when I'm dead” before promptly hitting the hay.  
The whole ship was almost silent, apart from the even breathing coming from Keith and Pidge’s rooms, whom of which, where on both sides of his own room. Lance had already tried to see if anyone else was still awake but after seeing that he was the only one still awake at this ungodly hour, left only Lance and his intruding thoughts.  
God he hated it  
He hated it so much  
It hadn't been this bad since his first year at the garrison  
Back when everyone had judged him so harshly based only on his tendencies to be a flirt and blurt out anything funny or worth a laugh

But you don't need a flirt or joker when you're in a war  
And now they didn't even have a leader  
But then again that's not all true  
‘Bluh’ thought Lance ‘I thought I was done with these thoughts tonight’ he stood up, making himself dizzy and almost falling over his long legs from lack of use for more than a hour. He knew where the voice was going with this, mostly because it was his voice in his head.  
Shiro chose Keith to be the black paladin a long time ago and even if it's not him it would be Allura, both had more leadership skills than if your own were tripled.  
This was very true  
Lance wasn't a leader, no matter how much he tried to be responsible and step up, like he had to do back at home when his parents had to work late hours and he was left home with all the younger children, he was expected to be the adult.  
He was respected by his family and parents, as well as the neighbors whom saw how hard he had worked for his family.

But here he was just a joke.  
A seventh wheel.

He sighed, almost casually waving the thoughts away. He took a deep breath and reached down for his toes with ease, then lifting his long arms up over his head and popping his back. He made his way down to the training area and went in, it was, not surprisingly, empty.  
Being up here at the time he was awake currently was unheard of, seeing that Lance usually didn't get up until much later than the others, something even missing the breakfast that either Hunk or Coran would make for everyone. But nether the less, lance was a bit wired at the moment and going to sleep now would cause problems one way or another. So, still in his pjs but bayard out, Lance initiated the training sequence.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~  
It was Allura that found him latter, still training, almost 2 and a half hours later, somehow managing to fight of 3 of the bots on a rather high setting, witch should have been impossible, due to the computer to only allow that only one bot per person.  
I’ll look into it later thought Allura as she pulled the lever to turn off the training sequence.  
Lance, whom of which gave a puzzled grunt as the 3 bots went lifeless at his feet, turned at the sound of the door opening and was greeted with the confusion of Princess Allura.  
“What are you doing here? ‘ she asked in her, suspiciously British, accent  
“ Umm, training? What did you think I was doing”  
“You know perfectly well what I'm talking about Lance, you're usually the last one up, what made you get up so early?” Allura bit off her question, glancing down at the ground somewhat awkwardly, as if she was ashamed of whatever idea she just got should have shown up sooner  
“If this is because of Shiro’s disappearance, you can always come talk to me…” she left the sentence open, as though it was more of a question. But Lance was already looking away  
“Uh well thanks Allura but uh I think I'll be ok, I just wanted to train today, thanks for the thought though” he gave her a small smile she frowned a bit but eventually waved him off saying he might as well take a shower because he was smellier than a wild pack of veñdärç, whatever that was. As he left she yelled at him to help Hunk with breakfast when he's done, so long as he's up he might as well make himself useful.  
It seemed like such a normal day  
Except everything felt so wrong.


	2. Who Will Lead?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (chapter note: in this both Keith Lance and Hunk are all 16 while Pidge is 14 -they budged their record at the Garrison saying they were a short 16 year old-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry so much for this being almost 3 months late! tbh i had almost compactly finished the second chapter THE DAY AFTER THE FIRST ONE CAME UP but then my computer crashed and i didn't have the motivation to rewrite it but here i am, the entire thing rewriten

When Lance came into the castle's main dining room, or at least the one the group had always used when dining together. Lance peeked his head through the doorway, only to see that Hunk way already putting down plates for food, some already had the strangely shaped and colored food placed neatly enough to be judged as a work of art. Lance would usually use the strange space-food as an easy way to get a joke and something for the others to relate to, making getting a laugh out of the joke easier. But today he held back, for as he studied the food closer, he saw how strained the effort was for it to look nice, usually Hunk's meticulously placed food had a light, joyous, almost carefree style to it, definitely much different from the stiffness of what was laying out on the table now. Lance frowned a bit, but did not mention it, it was probably to be expected, tension was still high despite the quiet night, and the fullness of of what Lance assumed was a full night's sleep for everyone else. no one could blame them.  
"Hay,Hunk got the food out already?" Lance teased lightly, trying to relieve some of the tension circling around his friend.  
"Whoa! Lance i didn't think you could even exist at this time in the morning!" Hunk looked back at him cracking a smile, but surprise written across his face. Lance shrugged, running a hand through his still-wet hair. hunk took notice of this and his eyebrows arched high on his face.  
you took a shower, man, how long have you been up?" Hunk finished placing down the platters and fully turning to Lance when Lance looked down at the table with an answer that barely resembled a word.  
"What?" Hunk half-yelled at him maybe even a bit sarcastically, putting a hand behind his ear and leaning closer to him. Lance snorted and pushed him away with a laugh.  
"You two ladies hook up yet?" Pidge walked into the dining room, though they had their normal shirt on the pants they were wearing were made with some really soft alien fabric and was bright green with purple pocka dots. "and here i was hoping it would be you and keith" they grinned, lips curling up in the corners, under heavy bags under their eyes. At the comment Hunk let out a huff and rolled his eyes, while Lance stuttered out a protest weakly.  
"ENNyyywaaaaaaaYYyy" Lance said quickly "HOw was your night?" he asked softly, looking down at the smol child.  
"I'll be feeling better, after some food, thanks" they said, a small smile as a silent thanks for the check up.   
"Great!" said Hunk from behind them "Because i have everything all set out! Now the only thing missing is everyone else." he said with a smile.   
almost as if he had summoned them, two of the devils showed up in the doorway.  
"Not to worry young paladin! for me and Allura are here now! and ready to eat" Coran and Allura had entered the dining room, Coran looking refreshed, and Allura looking salty. she muttered something about priorities but looked at the food on the table and looked grateful at the prospect of regaining more energy.  
"good! now all we're missing is keith and shi-" he stopped at the end of his sentence realizing his mistake, his normally dark skin paling a bit. the room went quiet as the five people tried to find a good way to break the silence. it was, of course, Lance to brake the drowning silence.  
"Isn't it weird that for once it keith to be the last one up? someone remind me to hold this to him for the rest of his days right?" that seemed to dreak the tension, even just a little bit. Allura sighed while Pidge rolled their eyes at him, ouch, tough crowd, well at least Hunk gave him a laugh  
'why do you think your so funny'  
'nobody else does'  
'their laughs are fake'  
omg shut up i'm in the middle of something , why are self-depriving thoughts so rude, like damn  
"what do all yall think you're doing?!" came a voice from the south doorway of the room, it was Keith  
"pfff 'y'all'"  whispered Lance to Hunk, earning a snicker from the big guy  
"shut up lance" said Keith  
Keith and Lance's insecurities would get along nicely.  
"Keith there is no need to be rude, we were just sitting down for breakfast." Allura said softly, but her voice held stern.  
"We need to be out there, looking for him! not sitting around and doing nothing!" Kieth payed no attention to the warning, and instead continued. "Shiro is out there and we need to be looking for him"   
"Right now, Keith we need to talk about who will take over for him." Allura towered over him. Keith was the one to break eye contact.  
"We're giving up on Shiro?" came a quiet question from Pidge.  
....  
Allura gave a small sigh and turned around and knelt down to Pidge's level and put a hand on their shoulder reassuringly.  
"Of course we are not giving up on Shiro, but you have to understand, me and Coran were talking, and we realized that it might be some time before we can find him" she stood up, this time addressing the rest of the team too. Pidge looked like they were about to cry. "When Shiro went missing there was no trace of anything to be.. left.. of him, so it is very likely for Shiro to have been taken" there was a gasp from the paladins, followed be chaos.  
"Shiro's KIDNAPPED?!"  
"WE NEED TO FIND HIM!"  
"WHAT IF HE'S HURT"  
"WE HAVE TO GO FIND HIM NOW"  
"PALADINS!" Allura shouted over them all  
"..."   
she continued "Shiro is strong and will be able to hold out wherever he is, but that's just the thing we don't have a single clue to where he is. Shiro wouldn't want us to stop helping the citizens of the universe, to stop and drop everything in favor to search for him, especially when we have nothing to lead us to him." everyone went quiet and the princess continued "right now what we need to be focusing on is who will pilot the black lion in shiro's absence, with him gone you can't form Voltron, without Voltron we can't fight nearly as well if something really bad should show up" she hesitated but then turned to Keith, direction whatever she said next  
  
"Shiro had talked to me about what should happen, should something.. akin.. to this take place" Lance could swear he saw Keith get paler. Allura hesitated for a moment before saying.  
  
"Shiro told me to have Keith take over as the black paladin"   
  
_oh_ _  
__  
__oh_ _  
_**_  
_****_oh hell no_** ** _  
_**  
"What"  Lance slipped out. why was his hand hurting? he glanced down quickly, oh whoops digging his nails into his hand again dangit   
  
**_what did you expect?_** ** _  
_**  
_well..._ _  
_  
come to think of it what did he expect?   
  
of course Keith would be the choice for black paladin  
  
he was a great fighter and pilot   
  
and he... he...  
  
"no"  
  
"What did you say Lance?" the princess asked him, turning to him and frowning slightly.  
“I said no” Lance swallowed nervously, trying to make eye contact with the princess. “I'm sorry Keith but really don't think that you should be leading the team” he continued, deadly serious.  
Keith bristled at what Lance said. “And what makes you suddenly have the authority to chose who's the leader?!” He said in anger, almost shouting “Shiro told me himself that he wanted me to take over for him!”   
Ouch shiro already talked to him?  
Lance tried to not let his emotions show as he shrugged offhandedly trying to act like he didn't care all that much about it. He tried not to worry about anyone seeing through his mask, then again, no one's been able to so far, despite how long it's been on his face.  
they didn't even try to look for it  
not now  
Lance took a deep breath, subtly of course, didn't need anyone to worry.  
 ** _mmhummmm_** ** _  
_** _s t o p_  
god damn it why was this voice so insistent today? usually the presence of blue in the back of his mind would chase such thoughts away. Which came the troubling question, where was Blue? Lance was pulled away from his thoughts by the intent gazes of his fellow... teammates.  
"Look Keith, not that i'm one to doubt Shiro's judgement," Lance started  
"Thank you" Keith cut him off  
"But i'm doubting Shiro's judgement"  
"What." k that was both Keith and Allura, how nice that for once it seemed everyone was paying attention to him for once, to bad Shiro was to dead to be here.  
whoa, no bad, don't think that, the quiznake he's not dead wow some sense of humor you have, stop   
"it's just," Lance huffed a bit "not to doubt your leadership skills Keith, but i'm doubting your leadership skills." Keith could make a sun explode with the heat of the glare he was giving Lance, Lance tried not to make it obvious to how he felt like he was being boiled alive.  
"And on top of that, don't you think that Shiro's decision was just, maybe, a bit biased?" Lance's voice gradually grew softer, like a kid who had to admit to doing something wrong in front of a parent.  
"What is THAT  supposed to mean?" Keith said, every word coming out clipped and sharp.  
Lance may have accidentally bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to make it bleed  
whoops   
"It means, Keith, that Shiro has known you for way longer than anyone else here, that could very well influence his decision." Lance tried his best to not make his voice shudder  
Keith simply leaned back slightly, changing his expression from angered to anoyed, Lance waited for his comeback in this game of verbal ping-pong, and boy did Keith deliver.  
"So what if Shiro was a bit biased, that doesn't mean that he didn't choose me because I could be a good leader, maybe he thought i was the best one for the job." this time Lance full on scowled at Keith.  
"You've got to be kidding me"  
"What?" Keith snapped back, offended  
"Come on Keith just in the last few missions, you've been doing some reckless stuff."  
Keith huffed "What are you talking about"  
"When we went to try to help the olkari your first decision when we found out it was a trap was to threaten the life of their emperor!” Lance exclaimed, somewhat annoyed.  
Keith simply glared at him, his eyes dark as he responded “ It was the best choice of action in the situation.” His voice was cold and it sent shivers down Lance’s spine hearing his friend (crush? Rival? Frienemy?) sound so certain about doing something he himself thought of as one of the worst decisions he's made.  
Lance nearly shouted out his reply back.  
“’The best choice of action’” Lance said, his fingers making quotation marks in the air as he said it “That was the WORST choice of action!” He declared as he continued “We had no idea what you were doing! You put a fucking sword to the head of the guy we were suppose to rescue damnit!” Throughout his spiel Lance waved his arms as he spoke, gesturing to invisible people and characters. Although it really wasn't doing anything other than make people nervous and almost smacking Pidge’s glasses clean off their face, it made Lance feel a bit more in control of the argument.  
"What were you going to do then, Lance, just let us all get kidnapped by the galra?!" Keith shouted, then with a dark sneer he continued, "But then again doing something that selfish hardly seems like something out of character for you, huh, Lance?"  Keith's eyes were dark with anger.  
Lance bit the inside of cheek again, which reminded him he had already done that and now it hurt worse. and took a sharp breath as he tasted the iron on his tongue. his vision blurred as he thought he heard Hunk say something extremely  sharp to Keith, which, by the way, is unbelievably out of character for him to say anything mean to any of his teammates. Shit, Lance was about to cry.  
 _no stop don't even think about crying you don't deserve it_ _  
_ ** _no you should probably just cry anyway, just so everyone knows how fucking weak you are_** ** _  
_** _oh my god what the hell did i just say fuck off_ _  
_ ** _nah_**  
Lance instead blinked the tears out of his eyes and slapping on a smile.  
 ** _every one can see right_** **_through that mask of yours_** ** _  
_** ** _they just don't care_** ** _  
_** _shuuuuut uuuuup_ __  
Lance reached out his hand onto Hunk's shoulder, pulling him back from Keith. He had no idea what the two had been yelling about for the last minute and a half (his head stopped translating their English during the little conversation he was having with himself) but whatever it was, Allura and Coran were now in the conversation too. Pidge had curled up into a ball in their chair and now was just staring at the ground blankly. Lance squated down to their height, looking into their eyes. Coran, Hunk, and Allura had turned around to look at him when he had pulled Hunk back. Keith was still yelling about something to do with responsibility, Lance had not started to translate again yet.  
"how long do you think he can keep going like this?" Lance smirked, trying to make a joke to at least try to lighten the mood for the younger person. All he got back from Pidge was a confused stare and small frown.  
“Lance translate help please” Hunk said Lance made a small oh shape with his mouth.   
Suppose that means I have to start understanding what their all saying now huh  
Guess you have to listen to all their insults directed at you, you can't keep hiding behind a language   
“Sorry never mind, but-“ Lance switched back to English and turned around cutting off whatever the hell Keith was going on about. He stood up straight and looking right into Keith's eyes.  
“I stand by what I said Keith, the Olkari wasn't the first time you've done something so impulsive, isn't that right mr. IcanTakeOnZarkonAllByMySelfWithNoBackUp” Lance pushed his wide shoulders back in a desperate attempt to look confident. Keith looked at the floor and for once, didn't respond. Lance gave a small sigh.  
“Look, keith, I'm not trying to say that you don't have any leadership skills at all, but, don't you think there's someone more qualified than yourself?” Lance was tempted to give the poor guy a hug, he looked so defeated. Keith rolled his head back up to look at Lance.  
“And whom exactly do you think should pilot the black lion then? You?” Sarcasm dripped from his speech. At that Lance gave a little laugh.  
“Oh yeah of course, Me! Lance the greatest paladin ever to walk the stars of course I should pilot the one and only black lion!” He sighed and leaned on the table. He saw Pidge roll their eyes. “Thanks but no thanks Keith me and blue are already perfect for each other, but-“ He stood up straight again, taking a couple of steps forward. “I know someone who might…” at this Keith followed Lance’s gaze towards the one and only alien princess (unless you count Keith, who was both alien and might as well be a princess>Lance didn't comment on that little joke<)   
Allura gasped, now entering the conversation since Lance broke up the fight  
“Me?!” She said, shocked “Why would you have me pilot the black lion?” She locked eyes with Lance   
Lance shifted a bit uncomfortably under the shocked expression of the princess 

“Well I mean,” Lance gestured his hands in the air in front of himself “Isn't it the obvious choose?” Lance searched the faces of his teammates, looking for some form of agreement, only finding more confusion. He looked back over to the princess 

“What I mean princess is that you are  _ clearly _ the more experienced than  _ any  _ of us, You’re a natural-born leader and you’re  _ way  _ smart. You’ve been fighting the galra for since, like, forever, you’re already trained as a fighter and you know what you’re doing. You’re smart, compatible, and resilient, why  _ shouldn’t  _ you take over for shiro?” Lance glanced behind him at Pidge’s foul expression. It turned softer when Lance added “At least until we find him, right?” Lance looked around at the rest of the team, they all were deep in thought at Lance’s words

_ Wow it’s like they actually listened to me for once _

**_I wouldn’t get use to it if i were you_ **

**_Oh wait, i am_ **

_ Shut ur up fuck _

**_Wise words- not_ **

“Well I mean it does make sense” Hunk’s words drew Lance’s thoughts away.

“You really think so Hunk?” Allura said looking up at Hunk a mixture of pain, confusion, and apprehension mixed on her face. Pidge interjected, looking more positive than they have the entire conversation “OF COURSE!” they shouted leaping up in their seat “It’s perfect! Allura if you lead, we would be able to find shiro in no time! We’d be able to save him!” Keith winced 

**_I wonder what hurt his pride_ **

_ Bet it sucks when people don’t believe you could be a competent leader  _

**_And you would know wouldn’t you?_ **

_ I did not start talking to you  _

**_And here I was, hoping you would be competent enough to understand how unneeded you are_ **

_ I am not talking back to you _

**_You mean you’re not going to do the thing that you are currently doing?_ **

Lance looked up from the floor he didn’t even realize he had drifted down to look at when he heard Coran’s voice for the first time since the argument started. Coran had a deep look on his face, maybe the most serious face he’s ever seen on Coran.

“Princess, while this might be the best solution, in our perspective, but we must remember,” he looked at all the paladins 

“It is the lion that choose their pilots, not the other way around” cue solid minute of ridiculously long silence and Lance’s thoughts running through his head so fast he couldn't make out what any of them were if he tried. He jumped up in the air when Coran once again broke the silence, and with his normal attitude and volume.

“Well Paladins! I suppose the best way to sort this out is to go ask the lions themselves! Off we go!” Coran turned on a heel and started for the door. 

_ Huh well then _

“Off we go I guess” Lance stuffed his hands in his pockets and followed Coran.

Before he got to the door, he turned to the rest of the team 

“You guys comin’?” He raised an eyebrow and for the first time this morning Pidge grinned getting up from their chair. The happy look lifted the voice from Lance’s head, even if for an instant.

He heard the footsteps of the others behind him as he walked out the room to meet up with Coran.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you much for comments and feedback! sorry again about the wait!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments appreciated its 4:30 in the morning I have not slept
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> HELlo  
> ok sorry for the lack of an update recently, i had almost finished the next chapter but then ended up clicking out of the tab, even though so i will hopefully have the next chapter up within the week  
> -mod Riles


End file.
